


i want the world to know (i’m the one you love)

by alyciasnose



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy and Murphy, Clexa, Double Life, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Jealous Clarke Griffin, Jealous Lexa (The 100), LGBT, M/M, Octaven, Protective Clarke Griffin, Spies, University AU, lanya, luna and anya, mlm, muphamy, raven and octavia - Freeform, slight angst, soft, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26266072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyciasnose/pseuds/alyciasnose
Summary: when the shy girl falls for the popular girl she doesn’t know what to do, until they start getting closer. but what happens when one of them insists on hiding?ORtwo girls living secret lives, both with different views but the same methods. What happens when one catches the other?
Relationships: Anya/Luna (The 100), Bellamy Blake/John Murphy, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Raven Reyes
Comments: 24
Kudos: 125





	1. never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically just the introduction to the story i guess

Lexa had moved to Polis university just a few months ago and everyone was already intimidated by her. (or that’s what she’d like to think) Lexa wasn’t necessarily a talkative person she just had her 3 friends. Anya was her cousin who had gone to Polis for 3 years before and then there was Luna and Raven who were friends with Anya but had slowly gotten into Lexa’s little bubble too.

Ever since she came to the university, she’d had her eyes on a certain blonde and her friends could see it too but Lexa thought she was way out of her league so she just settled for admiring from afar. 

Sometimes this would get hard as Octavia and Echo would notice that she was staring and tell the blonde. 

But still, she tried as best as she could to keep her head down and remain closed off from everyone except Anya, Raven and Luna as those were the ones she knew she could trust.

Lexa knew people thought she was weird and creepy but that didn’t stop her from doing what she wanted to do because by only letting a few people close she was able to hide who she really was to all these strangers in her class.

* * *

Clarke seemed opposite of Lexa, she was one of the ‘popular’ girls whom everyone would want to be friends with and she’d always be around a big group of friends but even in the big group she had her 4 close friends. there was Octavia and Echo who were in most her classes and Bellamy and Murphy who were in her P.E classes. 

Clarke doesn’t know why she chose to do P.E as a side course because she absolutely hated running around. Maybe it was because it was the easiest course out of the others or maybe it was because that meant staying back after classes to avoid her moms calls. 

It’s not that she didn’t want to call her, it’s that whenever they called it would always end in her parents arguing down the phone until she cuts it off and she was so tired of hearing it.

Much like Lexa, she was careful who she let in and didn’t allow herself to attach to people very easily. This may be caused by the amount of times she moved around as a kid, never sticking to one place taught her that getting attached only brings pain.

Although her favorite course was her art, she never could do any work in the lessons because she was either distracted or just didn’t have any motivation to draw so she just listened to what people were saying. She listened to the people around her and she’d listen to her friends calling the quiet girl at the back a ‘weirdo’ for looking at her. 

Clarke didn’t get why people were so mean to the girl, sure it was a little creepy that she kept looking at her but maybe she just wanted to be friends. The blonde mostly shook the thought off when it would come to her head because she would never be sure and she would have approached her sooner but she had no idea what this girl looked like as she sat at the back behind her and all the rest of the class.

* * *

It was Thursday morning and Lexa was already excited for the day to end, she had just finished her art class and had messed up her work multiple time for the simple fact that she just wasn’t interested anymore.

Once the class ended, Lexa rushed out the door with Raven to meet Anya who was smiling widely at them. “what is it?” Lexa asked cautiously knowing exactly what she was smiling about. “party tomorrow night, we are all going” and before the brunette could protest she was pulled forward towards Anya into a hug. 

“Don’t say no because if you do i will kill you and no i’m not joking” Anya whispered into Lexa’s ear which caused a sigh to leave her lips. “fine but only if i can hang with you guys” with a smile Raven nudged her slightly “but Clarke’s going don’t you wanna hang with her?” 

At that Lexa narrowed her greens at her and shook her head slightly and started to walk away as she shouted “i would never” causing nothing girls to laugh lightly at her disapproval.

As she walked away the smile soon faded and her eyes focused onto the floor as she began to think about what she would do if she did see Clarke at the party. She knew the blonde would never go because the parties Anya always invited her to were small and full of people no one really knew but a small part of her brain said ‘what if’

The rest of the day went painfully slow for Lexa, she had been excited for P.E all day and now that it was finally here she was exhausted and there was no way she was running around the field for 3 hours. She thought maybe if she faked an injury she’d be able to sit out but as the teacher was her mother’s friend she couldn’t use that excuse anymore and so she ran around the field at a slow pace while sipping from onto water bottle every 15 minutes.

Usually she would go to the library after classes ended but this time she was just too tired so she went straight back to her dorm room, maybe staying up all night playing xbox with Luna wasn’t such a good idea.

* * *

It was Friday morning and unlike the night before, Lexa actually got some sleep but instead of going to classes she decided against it today. She figured she could work from her room because if she was going out tonight she’d need all of the energy she could get.

It’s not that she would be jumping around and dancing, it was that her friends especially Raven were hard to manage when they were drunk and she was the one who had to keep them from doing things they’d later regret which she didn’t mind doing because she’d never drink too much and she liked being the caretaker, it was something that sparked joy inside of her heart.

She waited for Luna to leave for her classes to get up and have a shower, her showers took 15 minutes at the most but this time she just stood there feeling the warmth of the water envelope her and what seemed like 5 minutes was actually 30.Lexa was a very organized person so when she got out of the shower she sorted out clothes for the party, clothes to wear in the moment and clothes to wear when she got back from said party.

She picked the most comfortable clothes to wear in the moment because all she’d be doing is sitting at her computer researching and typing for her art assignment. The class had been tasked with picking a subject, writing about it and then drawing a detailed image of what it represents, Lexa had chosen the LGBTQ+ community because not many people were open about it and she’d like that to change.

So when she started the assignment she was excited because this way she could write about herself and no one would know, it could be personal but secretive at the same time and that’s what made her motivated to finish the task.

* * *

It had been several hours since she started working and she was yet to get up from the chair she sat in, the noise of all her friends coming into the room reminded her she needed to get up and eat. 

“Is this what you’re wearing?” Anya picked up the clothes she’d sorted for tonight with a small smirk “trying to impress someone?”with a huff Lexa left the room to grab food before grumbling a quiet “never” 

When she came back into her room with a sandwich she noticed all her friends were sat on the bed waiting for her to come back and with a frown she sat down on the bed too “what’s happening? aren’t you guys meant to be getting ready?” Lexa looked around the room waiting for a response and huffed when all she got was smiles “i know what this is, no i don’t want a makeover i’m just going for you guys” 

But before she could get up and move Raven grabbed her by the waist and held her close while shouting “I CAPTURED THE TARGET, ANYA GET THE MAKEUP, LUNA GET SOME BETTER CLOTHES THAN THESE!” 

Lexa knew not to struggle when Raven had got her because although she was small she was much tougher than she looked and the last time Lexa fought she ended up with a broken nose.

By the end of the ‘makeover’, Lexa looked in the mirror at herself and just stood there in shock of what they’d done to her. she had black eye shadow around her eyes which matched with the black shirt dress she had on and her lips were a bright pink to match her bag. “so? what do you think?” she turned around to face her friends and gave them a small smile while pointing to the clothes she originally sorted out. “fine i look better than what i would have looked in those” 

With that her friends seemed happy and were all wrapping her up in a hug before leaving to get ready themselves. 

Lexa was excited to actually do something with her Friday night instead of sitting around, eating pizza and watching American Horror Story, but little did she know, her friends had planned this party and knew exactly who’d be there.


	2. who are you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the day of the party ;)  
> Lexa makes a decision & Clarke makes a realization.

Lexa didn't know what she was expecting but it definitely wasn't to be in the middle of a party full of people who were considered ‘popular.’

“How did you even get us in here?” her eyes shifted to Anya who had just come back with the drinks. “I know people, ” she paused to take a sip, “come on drink up” Anya pushed the cup closer to Lexa’s mouth and waited for her to take a sip. 

Lexa felt very out of place, maybe it was because she was the quiet girl standing in a party full of people who were the polar opposite of her, or maybe it was because deep down she knew there was a good chance that Clarke could show up here too and she had no idea what she would do if that happened.

She was on her third drink when she saw her. Clarke had just arrived at the party but the second she walked in Lexa’s eyes were on her, scanning her, admiring how pretty she looked. She wore a long black dress which hugged her curves perfectly and matched it with a necklace that was placed perfectly around her neck, Lexa thought she looked stunning. There was just something in the way the blonde did everything that never failed to amaze her. 

“See something you like?” Raven’s voice rang out in her ears bringing her back from her thoughts and turning her cheeks bright red. “I just zoned out, who's here?” Lexa tried to act oblivious but she knew she couldn't get out of it even if she tried because she had been caught by both of her friends. “So making eye contact with each other is called zoning out?, ” Anya paused for a second before a smirk grew on her lips, “then I guess I zone out with Luna too” Lexa immediately looked up to her with wide eyes “wait, she was looking at me?”

Lexa never got a reply. instead, she got a push towards the blonde who was now standing on her own, or was she walking towards her?

* * *

Clarke didn't feel up to the party at all but as always, Octavia and Echo had made her go with them so they'd have someone to make sure they'd get home. Usually, Clarke would be the one to rely on others to get her home but tonight was different, tonight she wanted to be able to be the responsible one for once. 

The second she walked into the party her eyes locked with a brunette who was sitting on a chair far off from the big crowd, she had a drink in her hand but she didn't seem to be drinking it. 

Before she could get lost in her thoughts, she tore her eyes from the girl and focused on her friends. “Who’s that?” The curiosity got the best of her as she pointed in the direction of who she thought was the most beautiful one in the room.

“That’s Lexa from our art you know the weird one” Clarke furrowed her brows in confusion at Echo, she couldn't understand why people would find the quiet girl weird. There was nothing about her that seemed to spark that in fact, she found her quite interesting. 

“So wh-” before Clarke could finish her sentence her friends were already at the bar so in that split second she chose to approach the girl who took her breath away with just a single look. 

Once Clarke got to her, all the thoughts of what she was going to say had gotten lost in the nervous beat of her heart. So she just stood there doing her best smile as her cheeks began to heat up rapidly. “I’m Lexa” the voice sounded quiet and soft which Clarke would have missed if she wasn't paying so much attention to the girl in front of her.

“You look beautiful” both the girls’ eyes widened, the only thing different between them was the smile that Lexa was now fighting. Clarke didn't know why she said that instead of introducing herself, she had never been this nervous in front of anyone before. Her thoughts were cut short and her parted mouth was replaced with a smile as the two of them began staring at each other.

The moment between them was soon broken as Clarke’s friends shouted at her and with an apologetic look, she left Lexa to go back to her friends. 

* * *

Most of the night Lexa remained to herself as her friends went off to drink whatever stress they had away and although she was supposed to be the one somewhat sober, she couldn't help but keep the drinks coming too. She told herself it was to ease the stress like her friends but she knew it was to ease her thoughts about the exchange with Clarke.

So here she was watching her friends embarrass themselves on the dance floor while she sipped on her drink, she hadn't noticed how it kept getting topped up everytime Anya or Raven would check on her so she was confused as to why she felt so intoxicated. She guessed that maybe her drink got messed with while she and Clarke were stealing glances but that thought soon got lost when she felt the need to go to the bathroom. She had to check how drunk she actually was or if it was just the feelings inside.

Clarke’s friends didn't notice her slip away out of the dance they were doing on the dance floor. She and Lexa had been giving each other quick looks all night so when she saw her walk to the bathroom she saw her chance to make a better first impression. 

So here she was, taking deep breaths and getting herself ready to open the door. She was trying to talk herself out of it but she couldn't, she couldn't just let the only conversation she had with her be the one where she embarrassed herself. 

Without thinking, she pushed the door open to see Lexa standing in front of a mirror looking at herself. “Penny for your thoughts?” Lexa’s head turned almost instantly and with a small smile she slowly looked back to the mirror. “i think I ruined my look” Clarke tilted her head to look into the mirror at Lexa, the sight brought a smile to her face as she began to step closer. Lexa’s makeup had seemed to have run down her face and Clarke thought it made her look adorable.

“You look like a beautiful raccoon but,” Clarke turned her and softly ran her thumb across her face where the makeup had run, “I can help you with your makeup if you want” the words came out much softer than she intended them to but they got the brunette to smile so she didn't care. 

“I would like that”

But neither of them moved instead, they stood together looking deeply into each others eyes. 

That's when it happened 

* * *

Clarke didn't know exactly what she was doing or why. She had drank quite a bit but not enough for her to be controlled by the alcohol so there really was no explanation for the force pulling her closer to the girl in front of her. 

Lexa didn't seem to have any reaction to what she was initiating but before she could stop herself, her lips pressed softly against Lexa’s.

Lexa didn't know how to react, she panicked and froze for a few seconds before gathering herself and when she kissed her back she instantly felt the smile that grew from against her lips. 

It was as if fireworks were going off there were no words that could describe what she was feeling accurately enough. 

They stayed like that for a while, just standing there, arms wrapped around each other as their lips fit together like missing pieces in a puzzle, feeling nothing but pure happiness.

The sound of the door opening made them both pull back away from each other as they pretended to wash their hands but much to Lexa’s relief it was Raven so she knew whatever she saw she knew it would remain a secret.

“I hate to break up this little mothers meeting but I need to steal Lexa we’re going home, “ Raven paused before looking between them and smiling “i’ll give you 5 more minutes but that is it” 

At that they were alone again and Clarke knew she had limited time to make sure that this wasn't their last meeting so she quickly unlocked her phone and passed it to Lexa “can I have your number? I don't want this to be the only time I get to see you”

After a nervous swallow Lexa put her number in the phone, passed it back to Clarke and left with what Anya Raven and Luna thought was the biggest smile she had ever shown.

* * *

It was the morning after and Lexa felt like she had been punched in the face by a truck. She laid in bed for a while with her eyes closed reliving what happened the night before, she thought about Clarke and could still feel her lips against her own. She knew it was the drink making Clarke flirt with her but it still brought a spark of hope deep within.

Other parts of the night Lexa couldn't remember which would explain her headache. She couldn't remember getting home or even arriving to the party which made her question if the things she thought she remembered were just part of a dream she had.

Throughout that weekend Lexa spend it laid in bed curled into a ball with the occasional check up from her friends who were much too loud for her liking. She didn’t know what she was going to do the next day in class, she was torn. Half of her was thinking if she were to talk to Clarke things could get worse and she could embarrass herself but the other half was leaning more towards just going on as she did before but with fewer stares.

Maybe it was because she was in denial of what had happened, or maybe she felt as if Clarke had regrets that she chose the latter, her needs to protect taking over any rational thought she had.

* * *

For Clarke, her weekend went much better than Lexa’s. She had a peaceful two days with only a mild migraine which soon disappeared with some water and a pain killer. 

On Saturday instead of going out with her friends, she decided to stay in and take a relaxing day to herself not realizing who her thoughts would be preoccupied with. 

Clarke tried to stop thinking of the brunette who caught her eye the moment she’d stepped into the room, who's eyes made her feel like she was lost in a forest, who's lips fit perfectly to hers. 

Clarke wasn't one to move fast; when she saw someone she liked she would admire them from afar and on a very rare occasion dance with them but she had never kissed them on the first day. 

She tried to blame the alcohol but every thought she had reminded her she didn't drink enough for that, so the question lay in the air ‘why would I kiss a stranger and why did it feel so familiar’ The question repeated like a mantra in her head until she drifted off to sleep.

Sunday wasn't much different for Clarke, she practically did exactly what she did the previous day except this time she was deciding on what to do now that she’d kissed the mysterious quiet girl at the back of the class.

After a few hours of her mind going over and over the decisions she could make, Clarke decided she’d wait to see if Lexa tries to make the first move which would prove to be easier said than done.

Soon enough it was Monday, which meant Lexa had to sit in the same class as Clarke without zoning out about the kiss. This proved to be hard as every time she’d look up, Clarke was always either laughing at something her friend had said or if the timing was right (or wrong) she’d look behind and catch Lexa’s eyes with her own.

Lexa felt frozen in her seat the whole time, she even stayed seated when everyone else had left not noticing the note someone had slid onto her table.

After being snapped out of her thoughts by Raven yelling into the class for her, she picked everything up, placed it in her bag and went to walk with her friend. The note was securely placed in her jacket pocket so she could read it later. 

Clarke didn't know why she got someone to pass the note to Lexa, she had no idea what she was doing, she could have easily sent her a text asking her the same question so why was she acting like she was back in school? 

She kept telling herself it was because of her attraction to her but she knew that was only part of it, she knew the main reason for her need to contact Lexa was because she felt familiar to her. She couldn't figure out why or how because she had never met this girl before the party, yet here she was trying to figure out where she recognized her from.

Clarke remembered watching as Lexa walked to the bathroom that night, the walk seeming so practiced, so steady, almost a replica of the one of the infamous ‘Heda’. 

‘It can't be, Heda is a guy....right?’ this repeated in her head like a mantra throughout the day until Clarke realized she knew what this ‘Heda’ looked like, she'd seen him in person, she’d seen the downfall of both him and his wife. She'd never get the image of them both out of her head and how she was forced to watch by her own team because they were having second thoughts about her obligations.

Lexa had finally gotten home and was sitting on the couch when she remembered the note in her pocket and as much as she wanted to push it to the back of her mind, her curiosity got the best of her. So she quickly pulled the note out, unfolded it, and read.

Her heart sunk.

“Who are you?”


	3. heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here’s the backstory to how Lexa got where she is now that no one asked for.
> 
> also clexa become a little closer until duty calls.

Lexa was frozen in her place just starting at the note and what was written on it. She was stuck between telling Clarke the truth or trying to convince her that she really was a Smith and not a Woods.

But what if the note had meant something completely different, what if hr was Clarke’s way of getting to know her. ‘Who are you?’ could have multiple meanings and if Lexa was going to be honest, it was giving her one of the biggest headaches she’d ever had.

So who was Lexa Smith and how did she get here? 

It started 5 years ago when both her parents left her with Anya, she remembered wondering what they were doing that was so important at 2 am but Anya had told her they had business to take care of.

She wasn't stupid. Lexa knew business meant helping people that needed it most, that's what her parents had told her since she was just 6 years old. She'd wanted to grow up to be just like them, to help people selflessly without a second thought.

What she didn't know was that night at just 16 years old, Lexa got a call from the sheriff's station telling her that her parents had been in a ‘car accident’, she asked for the details multiple times off multiple people but always got the same answers.

“The roads were just too icey, they couldn't control the car, and it crashed into a tree. There wasn't anything anyone could do but watch in horror as it happened” 

That was when Lexa decided Christmas wasn't a holiday for her.

* * *

Lexa had accepted that her parent's deaths were an accident, it had been 3 years since it happened and she’d learned new ways of coping with the knowledge of being left on her own by the two people she looked up to most.

She took up painting and drawing as a hobby which proved to keep her mind at bay. She would paint her parents standing in the forest with their arms open to a little girl who'd be running towards them with one of the biggest smiles on her face. 

She had a steady job at the local bar where she could meet new faces and stories to try to make her own stories not so bad. 

Lexa was finally in her happy place when she had gotten the letter that changed everything.

‘Dear Miss Woods,

You don't know who I am, nor will I expose my identity.

I have some information about your parents and I think you deserve to know, please turn this paper over, there is a secret opening in the back, you should find everything you need in the pouch’

She had left the letter sitting on the table for days as she tried to push it to the back of her mind. Lexa was happy here she had grieved and got a steady life and she knew if she looked it would ruin all of the growth she had made.

But as every day went by the more her curiosity grew, so here she was, sitting on the couch with Anya, the letter placed in the middle of the table, staring a hole into it. 

They both knew whatever was in the pouch would change everything in their lives but it was something that had to be done. 

“Are you going to open it or should I?” 

Anya's voice brought her out of her thoughts and back to the real world, it was time. 

Lexa found evidence in the pouch from the scene of the deaths, photos of a bloody alleyway, a detailed description of what happened, and what her parents were really doing that night. The very last thing wasn't evidence but two family names who were responsible for the murders of Gustus and Indra Woods.

‘Azgeda & the Griffin's’ 

The moment she read everything, she had only one objective and one goal which she was determined to accomplish. “Anya, I need you to move to Polis and give me intel on everything.”

With a small nod, Anya was up and walking down to her room to plan her move. She’d do anything for Lexa and she had been trained to do exactly as she was being asked. 

“I’ll see you in two years, stay focused”

* * *

She spent those two years training for everything with some help from Anya who would visit from Polis to fill her in and to explain the knowledge and skills she would need to become as great a spy as her parents. 

Lexa was right, the letter did change her whole world upside down. She'd quit her job and started focusing fully on her time at the gym where she’d practice her fighting skills while working on her strength. When she would be at home she would analyze all the papers Anya had sent over and she’d find contacts that would be trustworthy to help her find the people she was looking for. 

She found out that the Azgeda’s and the Griffin’s were in the same city which she was thankful for, this made her job a little easier. 

By the time she was meant to move to polis as an ‘art student’, she was ready. She looked down at the list of names in front of her.

  * Theo
  * Nia
  * Roan
  * Echo
  * Ontari 
  * Atohl 
  * Abby
  * Jake
  * Aurora
  * Maya



She was going to make them all pay.

When Lexa first moved to polis she thought nothing of it, until everyone began talking about ‘heda’. She hadn't started university yet but had somehow managed to slip into one of the classes she was going to take and overheard the rumors. 

“People are saying it's a girl”

“They say she's one of the woods family” 

“Didnt they die?”

“Their daughter didn't”

After hearing enough for one day Lexa went home as quick as she could and practically ran to her walk-in closet.

As she was walking in she had only one thought to mind ‘time to find and kill wanheda’

* * *

Clarke was on her own walking to her next class when a hand reached out and pulled her in.

“What the fuck!” she yelled before swinging her arm around to try and catch whoever it was in a headlock but they were faster and was able to duck under her arm and take out her feet making her drop to the floor in one swift motion. 

“Lexa?!” her eyes widened as she looked at the girl standing above her with a small smirk playing on her face. “Where did you learn that?” she whispered before quickly standing up and straightening out her jumper. 

“I took karate as a kid that was pretty basic, are you okay?” Clarke watched as the girl's eyes scanned her body for anything that may indicate damage. “I’m okay, why are we here?” 

Lexa’s eyes darted around the room before they rested back on Clarke as she took a deep breath. “What was the note about?” 

There was the question Clarke had been regretting. She was sure that she wasn't this ‘Heda’ so she didn't know what to say, she couldn't lie to her either because she wanted whatever this was between them to go somewhere meaning her next words could change everything.

“You feel familiar” Lexa tilted her head to the side with a raised brow, the confusion clear on her face. “Familiar?” Clarke nodded slowly and with a small gulp she leaned forward to press her lips to Lexa’s once more. 

They weren't sure how long they were in the toilets with their arms around each other, exploring how their lips fit perfectly, the only sign that they'd lost track of time being the bell for the end of class. 

With reluctance, Clarke pulled back and with a small smile, she opened the door and left Lexa standing on her own with the company of her own thoughts.

* * *

Clarke was working on her art project when her phone lit up with Lexa’s name, she tried to push it to the back of her mind but she couldn’t wait any longer to see what it said.

_** Lexa (6:30pm) ** _

what did you mean by familiar?

_** Lexa.(6:31pm) ** _

also stop kissing me you’re not helping anything.

_** Lexa (6:32pm) ** _

i’m kidding don’t stop i like it :)

clarke smiled at her phone.

_** clarke (6:35pm) ** _

i meant kissing you feels like i’ve done it before and your face, that looks familiar to me.

_** clarke (6:35pm) ** _

i don’t know 

_** clarke (6:35pm) ** _

it’s probably because i like you 

_** lexa (6:38pm) ** _

you like me?

_** clarke (6:39pm)  ** _

of course i do

_** clarke (6:50pm) ** _

do you want to play 20 questions. it’ll help get to know each other better :)

for the rest of the night, both girls asked questions about each other and they both answered with a little honesty. Clarke had to hide who her parents were and Lexa had to hide hers along with her reason for coming to polis. She said it was because she “wanted to pursue my art” which was somewhat true so she didn't feel bad for lying to the girl she wanted to win over.

Clarke told Lexa everything except for what she does outside of University, she didn't need to know and if she did that would put her whole family in danger. 

After a while, Lexa had stopped replying and so Clarke thought she’d gone to sleep but she couldn't sleep herself. She tried to and she almost did but she’d gotten the call she was least expecting.

She picked up the phone while squinting her eyes. “Mom? What it is I-” 

“Wanheda we need you. Another one of Azgeda has gone missing, that's the 3rd this week” 

It took a while for her to take in what her mother was requesting. “Wait who's gone missing?” her voice came out shaky as she was getting up and getting ready into her disguise.

“Roan, Theo, and Atohl. it's got to be a Woods” 

Clarke froze, the rumors were true, Gustus and Indra Woods had a secret child, it was their secret weapon. 

“Clarke? Are you there? We need you to go to Polis tower, we've got intel that they're up there”

“On my way” 

Clarke ended the call, finished off her makeup covering her eyes, put on her mouth mask, got her signature knife, and ran towards the tower.

Once she got to the tower, she put her hand on the handle and was about to push it when she felt the unmistakable poke of a sword in her back. 

“Step away from the door”

The voice was deep and raspy, it sounded like someone after they've been smoking for years. But she couldn't place the voice with anyone she knew. 

Slowly, she turned around with her hands up above her head so she could take a good look at this mystery person but nothing, they had a black make-up mask that covered their eyes and ran down their cheeks making them unrecognizable in the dark. 

“I don't want any trouble, I just want to save those people up there”

The person's eyes narrowed and her hands tightened on the sword. “Are you Azgeda?” Clarke shook her head furiously and slowly rolled up her sleeve. “Azgeda have a brand on their arm, look at mine” 

At that moment Clarke heard how her voice cracked and went back to her normal voice instead of the spy one she was using. That's when the person’s eyes widened and in the blink of an eye, they'd gone, ran away into the night.

This was her chance to do what she came here to do. Save people.

Clarke ran as fast as she could up the stairs to the top of the tower but what she saw made her heart sink.

All 3 men had been tied up and executed, the only piece of evidence left behind was a name written in blood on the floor.

‘Heda’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave ur feedback i’d love to know if you like it :)


	4. it’s time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some soft clexa :)  
> Anya finds someone important making Lexa have to leave

Lexa had avoided university like the plague after recognizing the unmistakable voice of the blonde at the front of her class. 

She knew this would only make things worse and would probably blow her cover but she couldn't face Clarke knowing she was on the opposing team.

So here she was a week later trying to do some work for the project that was due the following week with no idea where to even start. Ideas were coming in and out of her head but none stuck until one did. 

She drew a few drafts of what it would look like and held them up one by one so she could see the whole thing and examine it.

On all of them, she drew a crowd of people standing away from her with their arms in the air, some were holding up signs with writing on and others seemed to be holding up flags. 

In the first draft, she drew a building that was placed behind the crowd making it look like they were marching towards it. In the second, the building had been decorated with the same flags that the people were holding up, and in the third, the building had been replaced by a post that had the Polis logo on with the words ‘LGBT+ rights’ spray-painted over it. 

There was no color on none of them as of yet, she was saving that for the final product which she soon realized was going to be the third one because she had much more room to add more depth and color to it.

She was redrawing the third draft onto the bigger canvas when her phone’s constant ringing brought her out of her daze and back to the real world.

_** Clarke: (8:30pm) ** _

I miss you where have you been?

-

Did I move too fast?

-

I did, didn't I?

-

I'm sorry

-

I'll leave you alone now

Lexa looked at her phone and the messages that were on the screen before clicking the call button with a small smile. 

It rang once before she heard that voice, “Lexa?” 

“I can't text you back because I kind of have paint on my hands but I also miss your voice so here I am, ” after a long pause, her nerves got the best of her, “I hope that's okay. If not that's okay, I can go I just r-”

“Lexa, breathe” Clarke’s laugh rung out the phone's speakers, and Lexa decided she always wanted to hear that laugh, it was so angelic and soothing almost enough to take all of her stress away. 

“So why haven't you been in class? Is it me?” the blonde urged.

“It's not you, Clarke. I've been feeling stressed over this project and I wouldn't have been able to focus if I was in class”

After a long pause, Lexa heard Clarke moving around down the phone but couldn't tell exactly what she was doing until she heard a small knock on her apartment door and a small chuckle from the girl on the other side of the phone. “Lexa I think someone is at your door” 

Lexa and Clarke sat together, painting on the canvas while looking at the draft every so often to make sure they were doing it right. Both of them shared looks from every few minutes and Clarke would purposefully but subtly move her arm in a certain direction so her hand would softly brush across Lexa’s which didn't go unnoticed.

They were like that for the next 4 hours with occasional breaks to either rest their hands or to have some water. Lexa promised she’d buy her food as a thank you but only if they finished it together which Clarke knew was just a way to ask her to stay a little longer. 

Now here they were standing in the middle of the room staring at the finished product. It looked exactly like her draft except for the colors which made it clear that the flags were for LGBT pride. In the background, the ground had been painted rainbow with more ‘LGBT rights” in black in the middle of it. The sky was a bright blue with white clouds covering any signs of the sun. 

It was perfect.

they were both standing where they were when Clarke’s phone’s ring brought them both out of the daze they were in and with an apologetic look, Clarke left the room as she answered the phone. Lexa wanted to remain respectful but she could hear Clarke on the phone through the door and before she could talk herself out of it, her ear was pressed against the door.

Clarke spoke in a hushed tone making it hard for Lexa to understand properly but she got the intel she needed.

“Ma'am, with all due respect, we don't know what their identity is so we cannot even begin to find them.” 

After a long pause, she heard Clarke breathe out a sigh before speaking again. “Just let it go. Jus drein nou jus daun” Lexa’s eyes widened, she knew what that meant. Blood must not have blood was her parent's teachings. 

Lexa wanted to walk into the room Clarke was in and ask her what she knew about them but before she could she heard someone else walk into the room. “I've heard that before” Anya’s voice rang out in the silence making Lexa freeze in her place, she knew.

“I- it's just something I taught myself so my parents wouldn't understand me” the nervous shake in Clarke's voice was clear to hear but before Anya could call her out on it, Clarke was already out the door and walking towards her own apartment.

“Lexa I swear to God if you don't come out here and explain why the fuck you're spending time with an Azgeda and why you didn't tell me who she was I will kill you myself!” 

Lexa slowly opened the door and started walking towards her cousin with caution. “She’s not Azgeda, she's Wanheda” Anya looked at her with wide eyes as her lips parted “you know this how?” Lexa looked down slightly before looking back at her to explain.

She told Anya everything, about when she ran into Wanheda and heard that all too familiar voice, about how she’s spending time with her to gather as much intel as she could so she could take down both rivals once and for all. She made sure to leave out the magnetic force pulling her towards Clarke whenever they were together and the butterflies that would flutter in her stomach every time she caught the blonde looking back at her.

The information Lexa had provided seemed to be convincing enough as a wicked smile appeared on her cousin's face and with a small nod she was gone, leaving Lexa once again alone in her apartment. 

* * *

It had been a week since Clarke had helped Lexa with her project and Lexa was finally getting back into the flow of classes. Both girls would exchange quick looks every so often, Clarke would walk to the back of the class to ‘shapen her pencil” so she could send Lexa little notes telling her when and where they should meet. They were always hidden away and secretive from everyone else, it gave Lexa a different type of adrenaline that she had never experienced before. At first, it was confusing and Lexa had thought Clarke was hiding her because her friends didn't like her but after a while, she stopped paying attention to that fact and enjoyed the little moments they shared.

It had been a while since Anya had given any intel on where her next target was so Lexa had the time to just be a normal adult. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be ‘heda’ so now and again she would walk into her closet, open the secret door, and practice her different fighting styles with the different weapons she had on display.

Most nights Lexa would call Clarke and they would talk for hours on end about everything and nothing slowly getting to know each other more as each night passed. Lexa didn't know how but they had silently agreed to call at night and fall asleep with the other one on the other end almost every night. Lexa knew this was the opposite of what she should be doing, the butterflies in her stomach every time she heard the other girl's voice warning her that she may be getting a little too close.

She had to get out while she could, stop herself from getting stuck in the middle but she knew the blonde would be a problem the moment she had first stepped foot into her first lesson. She had seen Clarke on her very first day and instantly became mesmerized by her, everything she did just seemed to catch Lexa’s eye from the very start. It was already too late for Lexa to stop what they had going on, she was in too deep the moment she stepped into that classroom.

Lexa was laying in bed as she looked at the painting that she and Clarke did, it was due for class the following day and she was a little more than nervous. The task was to talk about the painting and explain the different inspirations in front of the class, Lexa much preferred to keep quiet, and now she has to talk in front of a whole room full of people. Clarke had offered to be there talking for her but they both knew she couldn't do that because this was worth up to 70% of her final grade meaning Lexa had to do it herself. 

Lexa fell asleep with only one thought on her mind, seeing Clarke supporting her from the front row.

* * *

Clarke usually didn’t like university but today was different, today she was going to see Lexa at the front, talking about the subject she was most passionate about. She knew the other girl was nervous and she’d tried to help calm her down but as soon as Clarke saw her at the front she noticed just how tense and small Lexa felt. 

Lexa wanted the ground to swallow her whole, she wanted nothing more than to run back to her apartment and continue with her research on the Azgeda’s. She couldn't do either of these things, she knew Anya didn't need help and was doing all the dirty work by finding and taking her targets to secret locations where only they knew. 

Once the class had quietened down the teacher told Lexa to present her work which suddenly brought her back to where she was now. First, she made a fool of herself and was ruffling the papers in her hands and was speaking slowly and shakily. Then she made eye contact with Clarke and everyone else in the room disappeared and she suddenly had all the confidence in the world to talk about her piece. 

“The subject I chose is um, lgbt pride. I chose this because I feel it's not spoken about enough and so with this painting I tried to portray how happy it made people when it was finally legalized. If you look here, ” She pointed to where she had painted couples with their flags up in the air, “these are couples, they all fit into the community as one, the flags they're holding up is their way of showing and expressing themselves. And if you look here, ” 

Lexa pointed to two women who were facing to the side, their faces blurred by each other as they were wrapped up in each other, Lexa had added it a few nights ago and knew Clarke would love it.

“These two are showing affection in front of others, with this part I tried to portray how happy it makes us when we don't have to hide ourselves to the world. So overall the message I'm trying to send with this is you are who you are and that love is love and that's just it” 

After Lexa had finished she heard clapping from the students in her class which let her know she could go back to her seat. She was still a little nervous but it soon passed as soon as Clarke presented hers.

It was beautiful. Clarke had painted an ocean that covered the whole canvas and in the background, there were spots of green that were outlined to look like a forest that seemed to meet with the blue water. Lexa didn't get the reference at first until Clarke started to summarize and explain what she had done.

“I wanted to do something different and unique with mine, here you see an ocean with a forest in the background right? That's wrong, it symbolizes something much deeper. For example, if you see the colors in this, ” she looked directly at Lexa as she said the next part, “it's as if the moment blue meets green everything becomes beautiful, they become lost in each other, and nothing in the world could bring then apart” 

With loud applause, Clarke walked back to her seat which proved to be perfect timing as the bell rang out telling everyone it was time to go, and as usual, Clarke sent a note to Lexa telling her where to meet. 

Lexa was on her way to the bathroom when she felt the continuous vibration from her phone and with a sigh, she reluctantly picked it up to her ear.

As she answered the call, she heard Anya speaking to her in a rushed tone. 

“Lexa get here now, we found him. it's time”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> make sure to comment what you’d like to see, and how you’re liking it so far :)


	5. love is weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is back to her duties.  
> Clarke comes in the way of said duties.  
> this is where the story really starts to kick in.  
> no soft clexa interactions this time but next chapter i promise to give them lots of soft scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: descriptions of violence! 
> 
> key: > = time jump

Lexa knew exactly who Anya had found so she was a little more than inpatient to get back so she could get back to her job but she couldn’t just leave Clarke so she slowly pushed the bathroom door to try to give herself an alabi. 

The room was empty, Clarke was nowhere to be found. Lexa waited around for a few minutes before she decided to just text her and go back home. 

_** Lexa (7:50pm):**_

where are you? I was waiting.

Once Lexa got back home she immediately got into her disguise, grabbed her swords, and left as quickly as she could. The hiding spot that Anya had left her target wasn't very easy to find for anyone else but to Lexa, she found it almost straight away.

She entered the bunker and looked at the man tied up to the chair, he had dried blood down his chin making it known Anya had been here first. His hair was dark brown with patches of grey and his blue eyes sparkled with fresh tears that were now trickling down his cheeks. 

“Which one of you killed Indra and Gustus Woods?!” Lexa all but screamed, making the man’s whole body tense. 

“I- I don't know” 

“LIAR!” The girl pulled out her knife from it's sheath on her thigh and lunged toward the man, holding the knife up to his throat and pressing on it with force. 

The man remained silent for a while but it only infuriated her so in a split second she had him pinned onto the floor, her knife long forgotten and her sword now firmly pressed to his chest. 

“Tell me!” she yelled, almost spitting in his face. 

“Okay okay maybe we can make a deal” his eyes looked up to meet her own in a silent plea but Lexa’s cold exterior made him look away instantly. 

“Okay, you tell me who and where they are and I will let you go” 

Lexa thought she heard the man let out a sigh of relief but when he started talking she instantly began jotting down names and places in her head.

The man had told her everything she needed to know, she even got a new name to add to her list of targets. 

She waited for him to finish speaking and with a nod, she plunged her sword into his chest. He was a loose end and Lexa did not like loose ends.

It took a while for Lexa to clean the room but when she did it almost looked exactly like she found it. Almost. 

Lexa put her swords back into her back sheath and her knife into her thigh one and opened the door to leave. What she wasn't expecting was for Wanheda to get the jump on her. 

Lexa knew the real identity of Wanheda so she wasn't trying to fight back, she knew she should because it could get her killed but she couldn't bring herself to hurt the other girl. 

She dodged the attacks with expert moves, only half attempting to get Clarke back with her knife but she still couldn't do it, she couldn't bring herself to fight back which soon proved to be her weakness as Clarke managed to cut open her lip. The blood started oozing out and Lexa hissed at the pain, suddenly pushed back and frozen all Lexa could do was watch as the girl she loved took her own sword out and plunged it into her stomach. 

For lexa, the pain didn't come which kept her frozen in her spot trying to understand what has just happened. It wasn't until Clarke had withdrawn her sword that Lexa felt her whole body collapse to the floor and the excruciating pain coming from both wounds she had gained. 

Her eyes were almost closed when she heard the familiar voice echo through her ears bringing her back to the world. 

“yu gonplei ste odon”

That's when she finally allowed her eyes to close, her fight truly was over and she accepted it the moment she saw Clarke.

* * *

Clarke spent the past few days listening to the rumors of ‘heda’s death, they seemed to have traveled fast around the small city of Polis. Usually, Clarke would be celebrating with her family but after killing Heda she had found her father in the bunker, the life completely gone from him. It didn't make it any easier that she had to rule his death as a result of alcohol because it wasn't true and she couldn't talk to anyone about it as they would all give her the same sympathetic looks, she could tell they were feeling sorry for her and she absolutely hated it. 

To make things worse Lexa wasn't in any of the classes after the incident because she went back to her hometown to pursue her career at the bar (that's what Anya told her anyway) which Clarke thought was a complete downgrade compared to the path she was on.

If Clarke was going to be honest, she missed Lexa with every piece of her broken heart. She knew if Lexa was here she wouldn't be like the others, she wouldn't give her the same looks as everyone else did, she would help her put herself back together again because she knew how it felt. Lexa had told Clarke that her parents died while giving birth so she knew the other girl would have an idea of her feelings. 

Clarke noticed that every time she’d look towards the back and find an empty seat she would feel her heart break a little bit more, she just wanted her girl back. 

_** > ** _

It had been 5 months since Clarke lost her dad, she could still see him laying on the floor with blood pouring out his chest, she could still feel the anger towards the person responsible who was also believed to be dead. 

Clarke hadn't been able to be off the job for long after because although there was no Heda, people were still going missing every 3 weeks, and Clarke had to find whoever it is and stop them before it was too late. 

Clarke was able to find out where Lexa lived by tracking her phone but she never seemed to move from the same spot which made Clarke believe something was wrong. If Lexa had gone back to Arkadia to go back to her job at the bar, then why was she at her house all day every day? 

She wanted to drive down and check up on the other girl but she didn’t really want to make it seem like she was crazy so she just opted to stay in polis and send Lexa messages every morning. These messages lasted for 3 months before Clarke realized she was probably ignoring her. It took a lot for Clarke to stop messaging her but after a few days, she found it much easier to block out any thoughts that involved Lexa.

* * *

Lexa didn't know how she got to her apartment back in Arkadia. The last thing she saw was that white light offering her eternal peace so she had no idea how she was even here. It had been 6 weeks since the accident but Lexa could remember it as if it happened just yesterday. This was her first time waking up in the real world since it happened, her wounds had been carefully taken care of.

She had a big bandage covering the entirety of her stomach which wrapped around her waist tightly keeping any bacteria from getting inside and infecting her. On her lip, she had four small stitches covering where she had been cut. Her lip seemed to have healed as it wasn't hurting half as much as her stomach.

Lexa had no idea how she was alive, the wound on her stomach she was sure was deep enough to kill her. She kept thinking maybe Clarke had saved her but that thought soon passed as Anya came into view. 

She was sitting on the chair next to her with a book in her hands, she had tear-stained cheeks which she tried to hide under the book but that didn't do much, Lexa thought she looked a mess.

“You're awake!” Anya all but squealed before she lunged forward and gave Lexa a carefully soft hug. “I was so worried” 

Lexa raised a brow before she wrapped her arms around Anya, returning the hug. “How am I even here?” 

Anya sat up before bringing her up to date on what had happened after her eyes had shut. Anya had been concerned when Lexa hadn't come back for the set time so she had gone to find Lexa. Luckily for them both, Anya had been studying for events like this just in case so she was able to fix up Lexa as best as she could and take her back home where she had all the correct equipment. 

In the six weeks that Lexa was sleeping, Anya had been continuing to find and take the targets on Lexa’s hit list, she had them all tied in the basement of her cousin's house in Arkadia. She made sure the messages she left behind were completely different from Lexa’s, everyone had to believe she was dead to remain safe. Anya lost everyone else, she couldn't lose Lexa too.

Lexa stayed in bed for an additional 4 weeks before she slowly started getting back into her old routine of work and training. Due to the wound on her stomach, she had to learn new more careful fighting skills which proved to annoy her, she just wanted to get back to her old fighting skill. 

Lexa saw the messages that Clarke would leave her every day and every day she would linger her thumb over the call icon on her contact but she never brought herself to call the girl. She missed her more than she cared to admit but she was also aware that she had to push away a little. What happened in the fight proved her teachings were correct and they repeated like a mantra in her head whenever she saw Clarke’s messages. 

“Love is weakness” 

Lexa was changing her bandage when Anya came into the room and took the seat next to her. “You love her” It was more of a statement rather than a question so Lexa remained silent and waited for her to continue. 

“I know you don't want to talk about it but it's clear. I mean all that time in training and you just freeze? I don't believe that Lexa I've seen you in action and I know Lexa Woods would not freeze in a fight. Unless it's someone you love” 

Lexa’s hands stopped working on her bandage and her head came up to look at Anya, narrowing her eyes at her. “Love is weakness, Cousin, I do not love” Lexa’s voice came out stern and cold in an attempt to prove her point.

“You haven't seen how you look at her.” With a small smile, Anya got up and left Lexa to go back to her bandage before adding, “You’re allowed to love, Lexa. You just need to remember she's a Griffin. Be a teenager, love her with everything you have but be careful in doing so. She wasn't responsible for your parents but hers were, you can hate them but love her.” Anya’s hand was resting on the wooden door frame as she allowed herself to lean into the room to look at Lexa. “She just lost her dad Lexa, at least be there for her”

Lexa tried to forget what Anya had told her, she tried every type of distraction but nothing would be good enough for her brain to not wonder. It had been a month since the conversation with Anya and everyday Lexa would tell herself she had perfectly good reasoning behind her actions.

It wasn't unnoticed how Clarke lost her dad around the same time that Lexa had executed the brunette man. She would try to convince herself it wasn't him but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense that he was Jake Griffin. 

Lexa had decided it was time to go back to polis, but not before she’d interrogated her captives in the basement. She got the information needed about both families and promptly executed them, leaving one alive to get the last intel she needed, The only people left on her list were Echo, Ontari, and Abby.

“Ontari is it?”

The girl gave a small nod with her eyes wide and stuck on Lexa. She had just watched Nia, Aurora, and Maya be brutally executed and she was sure she was next. “I can help you outside of here I- I promise” 

Lexa’s eyes narrowed at the girl as she crouched down to look at her sitting on the floor. “How?” her demanding voice made the girl visibly tense before she began speaking again. “I’m one of them, they trust me I can gather what you need, you need to stay dead right? I- I can help you remain in the shadows I've been doing it my whole life” 

When Ontari looked at Lexa she saw something different now, a change in her facial expressions it was almost as if she was really thinking about it. 

“You are to stay in contact at all times if you so much as think about betraying me you will end up exactly like your friends here, got it?” 

Ontari tried to ignore the way her heart almost stopped at the sound of Lexa’s cold voice but she pushed through it and began to frantically nod her agreement. 

Once Anya was up to speed on what was happening, she helped put a chip and mic on Ontari so they could track and listen to what was happening on the enemy's side. It was the perfect plan, all Lexa needed to do was go back to Polis and get back into her routine. 

So here Lexa was, driving in her own car towards the city with only one thought in her mind.

Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> give me your thoughts and what you’d like to see :) thank you for reading


	6. i knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some soft clexa  
> would it be appropriate to list angst? 😐  
> \- Ontari reveals some information but to which side?

Lexa went back to Polis 5 months after her ‘death’ and was about to go back to university when something stopped her. 

_** What if she knows?  ** _

_** What if she hates you for leaving?  ** _

_** She's going to kill you again don't go ** _

These thoughts replayed in her head like a broken stereo leaving her no choice but to work from home. 

Before she knew it another month had passed and Lexa had finally managed to block out any thought she had. Today was her first day back and she was a little more than nervous.

Her lip wound had healed fully but there was still a scar there because of how deep it had gone so Lexa would cover it with makeup so Clarke wouldn't recognize it.

Once she got to class she noticed how everyone was looking at her as she made her journey to the back of the class, it made her feel small and anxious like they all knew who she was and what she’d done. 

“Welcome back Lexa, I believe you went back to your hometown to research for the upcoming project correct?” the teacher's voice echoed across the room making Lexa sit up and give him a small nod before looking at the blonde at the front who's head was down on the table and after a long pause, the teacher ordered everyone to get back to work. 

This project was making history into art so Lexa chose to do the Arkadian ship which was now a restaurant but was believed to have fallen from the sky decades ago, this time she didn't need any drafts because she knew exactly what she wanted it to look like. 

However, planning was a key piece of her grade so she decided to make a quick sketch and label the different parts of the picture. The sketch was almost done when Lexa heard the bell and unlike past times she was the first out the door. 

Lexa went straight to the bathroom and waited for her moment. She was waiting for Clarke to walk past so she could pull her in again. Hopefully, this time she doesn't attack her because Lexa doesn't think she could handle it again. 

The second she saw her she pulled her into the bathroom with her but this time Clarke didn't attack as she knew this was Lexa’s thing so she didn't feel any threat. 

Clarke had been zoned out most of the class so she wasn't aware that Lexa had come back so when she saw the girl, her first instinct was the pull her into a hug.

Lexa thought this was the tightest anyone has ever hugged her, she felt every emotion Clarke was willing to give her or so she thought. Her mind soon changed when their lips pressed together desperately and that's when Lexa knew just how Clarke felt.

* * *

They both went straight to Clarke’s apartment and were laying on the couch, Lexa had been holding her in her arms for hours, and her arm was starting to get tired but she didn't care, she was focusing more on the girl sleeping in her arms. 

The movie they had put on was long forgotten when Lexa thought Clarke was much better to look at. She was so beautiful to her and connecting the dots on her skin was much better to Lexa. 

“I’m sorry” Lexa let slip out as she began slowly moving her hand up and down the girl's arm before she continued, she was asleep so Lexa felt like she could let it out without fear of a reaction. 

“I wish I didn't leave for so long but you should know I had no choice. I know I lied to you about the reasoning for going back but you see I didn't want you to love me. You still shouldn't love me even if I want you to, it's not something you should do. I'm like a ticking bomb, at any point I can just explode with these feelings, and then people die.” with a small sigh she continued, “The people I care about have a tendency to die on me, so I'm going to make sure you'll be okay but we’re going to have to keep hiding because I don't want you to get hurt.”

Lexa let silence fill the room for a while to make sure the girl really was sleeping and couldn't hear her. She waited for an hour until she started speaking again, this time the emotions dripping from her voice as if the emotional wounds she was facing were fresh.

“I wasn’t always like this you know, so cold and closed off from the world. You should have met me when I was 15 before I'd suffered so much loss. Now I'm alone and you shouldn't be the one to save me. I know I should stay away from you because nothing good ever comes out of this but I just, ” Lexa paused to take a deep breath before speaking again

“I can't get you out of my brain”

* * *

Lexa slowly opened her eyes as the sunlight began to shine through the window and into the room, Clarke had gone but before Lexa could panic she saw the note laying on the table next to her. 

_** “Lexa, I didn't have anything in the fridge so if you wake up before I get back, I've gone to get us some breakfast. Don't leave. ** _

_** Clarke <3 “ ** _

After a while of just staring at the note, Lexa got up and hurried to her own apartment as quickly as she could. She knew Clarke asked her not to leave but she felt gross and didn't want to use Clarke’s shower in case she sees anything she shouldn't.

So Lexa went back to her house, had a shower,got dressed, put cream on her stomach scar, makeup on her lip, and made her way back to Clarke’s place hoping she didn't take too long. 

As soon as she walked in she was met with a relieved looking Clarke. “You came back” 

Lexa gave her a small nod before slowly moving forward to see what food was cooking but Clarke blocked her, telling her she couldn't look as it was a surprise. 

Lexa swore she waited 5 hours for her food to be done but once it was in front of her she decided it was well worth the wait.It was just a simple breakfast with sausages and eggs on but once she’d put the food in her mouth she almost moaned at how good it tasted. 

“Wow I think I just found my new favorite cook” 

Clarke let out a warm laugh before warning her not to rely on her for her cooking as she had other great qualities too. 

After they'd eaten, Lexa offered to clean up after them while Clarke sat on the couch and put a movie on for them to watch so she tried to clean as fast as she could to be able to hold the blonde in her arms sooner. 

She cleaned everything up and put it to dry and quickly walked towards Clarke to sit next to her. The blonde instantly rested into her but Lexa only made it half an hour into the movie before she started to get sleepy, or was that darkness taking over? Why couldn't she fight the sleep? What was happening to her?

* * *

Clarke waited until Lexa had passed out to get up and get into her disguise. She whispered a quiet “I'm sorry” and left to do her job. 

Ontari had come back from wherever she’d gone to and had vital information that could help her catch whoever this new person was.Clarke didn't want to put sleeping pills in Lexa’s food but she had no choice, it was either that or miss out on the chance of a lifetime.So here she was with her arms crossed over her chest, standing next to her mom, listening to what Ontari had to say. 

“The others that were taken are dead. I was able to escape because they needed a witness to warn you. They’re here for revenge. We killed Heda and now they're mad, they must have admired them or something but Clarke these people, they're much worse and are capable of even worse things than Heda was, we have to be patient with this one I can he-”

“no! We cannot lose any more people, I'm going after them” 

Ontari was about to protest when Abby ordered her to leave them alone and once it was just them, they began the planning. 

“They seem to be taking them out of the town right? Somewhere east?”

Abby looked at her with narrowed brows before shaking her head and pointing to a place on the map that was just 15 mins away from the University. “They’ve changed locations and are now here, we can go save whichever people they have but we don't know what they're capable of. Ontari was right we need to train and get re-”

Clarke stopped her mother from talking with her own voice, “no way! There are people up there we can't just leave them” after a long pause Clarke spoke again, “I'm going to save them with or without you” 

She was just about to leave when Abby grabbed her arm and stopped her from walking away. “We’ll send a group to scope the area, right now you just need to go home and rest. We WILL get them....... For your father”

Clarke felt her eyes instantly begin to burn at the sensation of tears beginning to fill up in her eyes, threatening to come out at any moment, so before she could let them fall she gave a small nod and left to go back home to where she was sure Lexa was awake by now.

* * *

Due to the fact, Lexa would be able to see her, she went to her mom's house first to change into her normal clothes and then quickly made her way home to see Lexa pacing up and down her living room.

“Everything okay?”

The girl instantly looked up towards her and let a small sigh of relief escape her lips, “Yeah, yeah I just wanted to tell you something but you were gone when I woke up so I thought you were mad at me or something.”

Clarke began to move closer to her, now concerned if Lexa was okay or not. “What is it? I'm sorry my mom called me I had to help out at home, she's having trouble since you know” 

Lexa’s eyes dropped to the floor and her brow furrowed before she whispered a small “I'm sorry I wasn't here”

That's when Clarke lunged herself forward to hold the girl who was looking small in the middle of her living room, “it's not your fault you didn't know” 

Clarke was clinging onto Lexa when she noticed the hug was one-sided, “Lexa what's wrong?” she pulled back to look into the girl's eyes but she was refusing to look back at her.

“I knew” 

Clarke's heart dropped, her eyes widened and she pushed Lexa away instantly, suddenly overcome with all the rage that had been kept inside all this time.

“What did you say?” 

Lexa’s eyes slowly looked up to her and she gulped as she began to speak again. 

“I knew about your dad”

That’s when Clarke completely lost it, her rage taking full control with nothing to stop it from coming out.

she began to walk towards Lexa who was backing up the closer she got as she started to yell her frustrations out.

“you’re telling me you knew what i’d lost! how alone i felt for 6 months! 6 fucking months Lexa, I was alone dealing with this shit and I still am dealing. How the fuck do you think it's okay to just stroll back into my life like you didn't just leave me when I was at my worst, you're fucking unbelievable what the fuck is wrong with-”

Clarke’s sentence was cut short as Lexa grabbed her arms spun them around and pinned her to the wall that they were closely approaching, Lexa’s face was almost touching Clarke’s as she began to speak again.

“Listen, I did not fucking leave you alone, you had your friends, there was not one second that I was gone where I wasn't thinking about how you were doing, so don't fucking get mad at me when I was preventing whatever the fuck I'm feeling. So, please let me do whatever I do. I'm protecting you from-”

Lexa’s words were cut short when Clarke suddenly pushed her head forward and connected their lips together in a desperate kiss. 

It wasn't slow or soft like their past kisses, this one was full of need from both sides which is what spurred Lexa on to begin kissing down her neck and bringing her hands up over Clarke’s body. She found a spot on her neck and began to suck on it which resulted in a loud moan escaping the blonde’s lips but before she could go any further, Clarke pushed her back and began to pull Lexa’s shirt over her head.

Lexa’s mind was clouded up with the desire to feel Clarke again so she didn't realize she was standing there without her shirt with Clarke looking up and down her body.She didn't realize how Clarke’s eyes widened and stopped at that one spot on her stomach.

There was one thing that brought her out of her daze, it was the voice of the girl in front of her and the sound of her running out of the apartment.

**_ “You’re Heda” _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :) next part is coming soon don’t worry.
> 
> reply with what you’d like to see and what you like about this? it really helps


	7. a gun to a sword fight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one we see both points of view and what both Clarke and Lexa do after the revelation :)

Once Lexa was able to move her legs she ran to her own apartment and called Anya, her breathing heavily as if she’d just ran a marathon. 

The second the other girl answered the phone Lexa began speaking at a rushed pace, panic lacing her voice.

“Anya she knows, it's all over she knows I don't know what happened, one moment I was kissing her, and the next my shirt was off and she was gone. She said my name but not Lexa. Anya, what do I do?”

She heard the other girl let out a heavy sigh before the instructions came. 

“Okay Lexa, first you're going to remain calm while I tell you what to do can you do that?” 

Lexa nodded before realizing she couldn't see her and whispered a quiet “yes” 

“You're going to lay low okay? Go to classes as normal like nothing is wrong, do not go to any of our meeting spots, and do not take any more of Azgeda. Right now you're just Lexa Woods the university student trying to get a good grade in art to progress. There's no reason anyone should suspect.” 

Then silence began to envelop the air around Lexa which luckily didn't last long as Anya began to speak again, 

“As for Clarke, you're going to find her right away and..... well Lexa you're going to have to kill her, it has to be you” 

Not for the first time that night Lexa froze in the spot she was standing, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks in the safety of her own home. “An- no I c- I can't” 

Another sigh came through the phone and the call ended but not before Anya got in the last word. 

“Lexa you are going to kill her it's the only way you'll be safe” 

Lexa wasn't sure she even wanted to stay safe if that meant losing the one person who seemed to bring out her old self, she’d rather die.

Everyday Lexa went to class to find Clarke wasn't there and every time she saw that empty spot at the front, her heart broke a little bit more. There was no way that Clarke would ever forgive Lexa now she knew she was the one who killed her father. 

Lexa wanted to feel bad about it, she did. But every time she would try she would think about what he did to her parents and all that anger came back within a split second. 

She tried sending the blonde texts every so often throughout her day but nothing came back which only made Lexa’s nerves intensify.

_** lexa (8:30am): ** _

can we please talk about what you think you saw? 

_** Lexa (8:45 am): ** _

The class has started where are you? 

_** Lexa (12:59 pm):  ** _

We need to talk about why you just left me the other night 

_** Lexa (6:26 pm): ** _

Fine if you won't talk neither will I. 

_** Lexa (12:01 am)  ** _

I'm sorry I didn't mean that

Lexa sighed before she put her phone on the table next to her bed, She hadn't heard from Clarke since the night she left her.

She remembered how her heart dropped into her stomach the moment she realized that Clarke had seen the scar from when she had stabbed her, it was as if her whole world came crashing down, she was frozen in her place much like the night she was stabbed except this time it she was not near death. Although she's sure she will be soon enough.

She thought about the friends Clarke seemed to be close with and noticed how one was Echo Azgeda who was also on her hitlist. Maybe if she was to take her, the other girl would come out of hiding and confront her, maybe that's the only answer to get Clarke back so she could make sure neither of them die. 

“Do not take any more of Azgeda”

Anya’s voice popped into her head on a loop the second the thought came to her and she could see the other girls' disappointment every time she would close her eyes.

So instead she got up and began making a list of things she could do to get Clarke’s attention, she would do anything it takes even if that meant walking right over into enemy lines and sacrificing herself. 

By the time it was 5 am Lexa had come up with 3 ideas, all of which she was sure would have bad consequences.

The first two had crosses through them making it clear Lexa had chosen not to do them.Her first idea was to storm the Azgeda hideout and demand to see Clarke but for obvious reasons, she had to cross it out as she would end up dead or worse. 

The second idea was much more extreme than the last. It involved her announcing her secret identity to the world and offering $10000 to the first person who found and brought Clarke back to her, but she didn't have the money and again it would result in her death.

So here she was with the third option which she didn't really want to do but had no choice and although Anya’s voice was on a repeat in her head, she got dressed into her disguise before calling Ontari who provided her with the information she needed.

Within seconds of gathering the information, Lexa was already out the door and on her way to find Echo Azgeda. 

Finding her was the easy part, Lexa found the girl shared a room with other people in her house so she needed to be as quiet as she could including keeping Echo quiet. Luckily for Lexa, she was prepared and had an injection that contained midazolam. This would cause the girl to remain sleeping and not have any memory of how she was taken. 

Firstly, she took the injection out of her bag and instantly found a vein to put the midazolam into the girl's body which took an instant effect making it quick and easy for Lexa to tie her arms behind her back and drag her as quietly as she could out of the house. 

Lexa felt glad that the house was only a cottage meaning she didn't have to go down any stairs or have a fear of hurting herself when climbing in the window. It made it much safer for Lexa to drag Echo towards the window and swiftly throw her onto the blankets she had laid out underneath it.

She took Echo back to her own apartment as she knew if she took her anywhere else she wouldn't get the time to plan what she wanted to do. 

So here she was sitting in the secret room with echo tied up who had now woken up and was staring at her with wide eyes, the girl seemed to have been unaware that the quiet girl in the back of the class was ‘Heda.’

Lexa tried to get information about the secrets behind Azgeda and Griffin but the girl wouldn't speak and so she was forced to use much more threatening motivations. 

She grabbed her knife and out of anger, plunged it into the girl's stomach before retrieving it which made the blood squirt out of the wound and stain almost everything in a close range. 

“Are you going to tell me where Clarke Griffin is or do I have to let you bleed out?”

* * *

Clarke didn't know what she was doing or why she ended up at her mother's house, she just wanted to walk for hours. After seeing the sword sized scar on Lexa’s stomach she felt her heart instantly drop to the floor and break into a million little pieces. 

All this time Lexa was the one who had been taking away the people who she cared about and for what? Because she wanted to? Clarke couldn't figure out why Lexa was so focused on killing every single one of the Griffin’s and Azgeda’s but the one thing she could figure out was that Lexa wasn't who she said she was, she was the daughter of Indra and Gustus Woods. That was when everything clicked, she remembered witnessing their deaths and came to the terrifying conclusion that Lexa was getting revenge.

“Clarke? You said you had something to tell me regarding Heda?” 

Clarke snapped out of her thoughts and focused back on her mother who was now standing much closer to her with a raised eyebrow in confusion. 

“Yeah. Yeah um,” she cleared her throat before speaking again, “I did some research and I got confirmation of her death. The Woods family are gone” 

Clarke didn't know why she lied, this was vital information that could prevent any more people from dying so why would she lie for someone who not only killed the people on her side but also took her father away from her. 

Maybe it was the voice in her head telling her that Lexa couldn't have known the person she killed was her dad or maybe it was because deep down she felt that similar connection with the other girl and could understand where she came from. She knew it was clear Lexa had the same belief as her mother, ‘blood must have blood’ but she also knew she had the power to change that belief. But to which side could she change? Both sides were too far gone for Clarke to decide herself so in the moment she let the words come out of her mouth just to see for any reactions. 

“We should stop this whole rival thing with the Woods and everyone else” 

The instant the words came out she could feel the regret as her mother stepped back with her arms crossed over her chest, the anger coming out with her words as a hiss. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” 

_ “Blood must not have blood”  _

That was when everything became out of hand and there was no way to get out, her mother began ranting about everything that she sacrificed for her only for her to betray a centries year old belief. Clarke knew it would stick right away but if she were to implant it, it could be the start of real change for the first time since forever. 

She allowed her mother to yell some more before she bowed her head slightly and began to speak again. “I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking, I think it's because I'm tired can I sleep here tonight?” 

Her mom's face seemed to soften at that and she sent Clarke to her old room to sleep her thoughts away, tomorrow was going to be a long day of secretly imprinting her new belief.

“Clarke! Wake up! Come on! Echo’s gone! I'm sending you to the bases around the town, she's gotta be in one of them!” 

Abby’s voice came out in a rushed tone and echoed through the room and into Clarke’s ears waking her up and making her quickly get up out of bed. Echo was her friend and so the second she heard of the news she was up and getting into her disguise to begin the search as quickly as she could. 

Clarke thought about ignoring the advice given to her to search bases but upon remembering the cameras which were checked regularly, she realized she had to at least appear to every single one of them. She knew exactly where Echo could be so to get this over as quickly as she could, she took her motorcycle and began speeding around the town to every base she knew of. 

As expected, there was no sign of her friend in any of them which left one place which has been tattooed into her brain the entire day. 

Driving to the place proved to bring up Clarke’s nerves, she had been trying to keep them down but now she was nearing the building she couldn't help but feel the nerves begin to expand. 

She parked her bike a little bit of distance away from the building and began running towards it, her knife clutched tightly in her hand as she pushed open the doors and began running up the stairs to the apartment just a few doors from her own. 

_ Knock knock knock _

Nothing 

_ Knock knock knock  _

Again, nothing came.

She had no choice but to pick the lock which she did with ease while thanking all the training she did quietly in her head and once the door was open she barged in to see the one thing that could make her feel nauseous.

Lexa was standing against the wall in her own disguise with her sword raised above, her eyes narrowed to look at Clarke but that's not what caught her eye. Clarke noticed the blood that covered Lexa’s face almost as if it had splattered and got her in the process, that's what made Clarke even more nervous than she was before.

“Is she dead?” 

Clarke watched closely for any signs of Lexa being remorseful but all she could find is a cold look in her eyes which was accompanied by a smirk. “Not yet” 

Clarke let out a breath she didn't know she was holding before she let the anger pour out of her as she threw the knife she had in her hand in the direction of where the other girl was standing who swiftly dodged it and began to make her way towards her. 

Clarke instantly reached for her own sword forgetting she had opted for a gun this time to give her some more leverage in the fight and so instead she grabbed the gun out of its holster on her thigh and raised it towards Lexa's head.

“A gun to a sword fight? Really?” Lexa’s voice came out cold but also sounded like she was mocking her, trying to bring her guard down but it didn't work.

Instead, Clarke cocked the gun and pressed the trigger but instead, Lexa managed to dodge it and in the process knock out her feet making Clarke fall to the floor with a thud. Before Lexa could even try to hurt her, the blonde rolled over and avoided the sword that was coming her way while swiftly getting back up and shooting towards the target. Her bullet skimmed Lexa’s face making a thin line of blood begin to pour out of her cheek.

This seemed to stop the fighting for a moment as Lexa raised her hand to feel her cheek and unlike last time she was not frozen in her spot, this time as Clarke began to get closer, Lexa began to raise her sword too which began to poke sharply into Clarke’s chest. 

“Do it, kill me” Clarke’s voice came out cold but she could hear how it wavered with the anger that was pouring out of her. “KILL ME LEXA! DO IT, JUST LIKE MY DAD!” 

She felt the tears begin to sting her eyes as she began shouting at the other girl, her gun had been dropped the second the sword pressed to her chest so she didn't have any other way out than to convince the other girl to give her the peace she was looking for.

Clarke felt the sword press more sharply into her chest making her eyes close tightly as she began waiting for the pain to come. 

It never did.

Instead, she heard a heavy sigh leave Lexa’s lips, the pressure of a sword being taken away, and footsteps beginning to fade into the distance but not before she heard Lexa’s voice ring out in her ears, it was soft andauthoritative but the words that she heard made the blonde’s mouth hang open in shock or maybe it was surprise.

_ “Love is weakness indeed” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments if you can it really helps motivate me :)


	8. clarke?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh lord this is a muddle of emotions.
> 
> some soft flashbacks so you can see just how much and how each became to care for one another. 
> 
> lexa does something she shouldn’t have.
> 
> :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: violence, slight smut (but not that extensive)

_ “Love is weakness indeed”  _

Lexa’s voice had become a broken record in Clarke’s head since the day they fought. It was as if no matter what she did, she couldn't get rid of it. She tried pushing it to the back of her mind using the distractions handed to her including going back to attending classes, this time it was Lexa who was the one not attending. 

Clarke felt the missing presence of the other girl within every second, minute, and hour, it was as if she had a piece of herself missing and she couldn't find it.

She knew she should hate Lexa for what she did but she could also see the exact reasoning for her actions. She knows when her father died all she wanted to do was get revenge for everyone who worked for ‘Heda’ so she imagined losing both parents due to the same cause would make her act the same way. 

It was almost as if her mind was trying to convince her to imprint ‘blood must not have blood’ into Lexa instead of her parents. 

On the positive side, Lexa would be an easy target as Clarke knew she had good within her whereas, with the Azgeda’s and Griffin’s, they were too far gone which Clarke learned quickly when she tried to pitch the idea to her mother. 

It had to be Lexa, she was the key to stop a century-old war.

While Clarke was in classes, Lexa was at Anya’s apartment being interrogated by her. Her cousin knew exactly what she did and didn't seem too happy. 

Lexa had been given a whole speech on how bad Clarke was and the things her family had done but Lexa wasn't really listening as she began drawing on the nearest piece of paper which only seemed to annoy Anya even more than she already was. 

Once the rant was over Lexa began speaking too with a heavy sigh. 

“Look, this is my way of getting revenge and I know you think my judgment is clouded because I like her a little bit but-”

Anya’s voice cut her off as she picked the paper up and took it from Lexa. “A little bit? Lexa, you doodled your wedding invitations” 

That made Lexa smirk a little before she took the paper away and pointed to the drawing as if to prove her point. “No, that's our joint tombstone”

A moment that should have been serious had now turned into the both of them laughing on end for 30 mins at what Lexa had described the picture as. She had described it so seriously that it had turned funny to them both but after a while of laughing, Lexa suddenly stopped and everything that seemed happy about her quickly dissolved into a look of complete darkness. 

Anya seemed to notice the change but before she could reach out and bring her back she was up and out of the house, heading towards the one place she shouldn't.

* * *

_ <  
_

_ Lexa was sitting in the library studying the history of Polis when two hands came around and covered both her eyes making everything to black.  _

_ “Guess who?” _

_ Clarke’s soft voice rang out as a whisper in her ears so only she could hear it, it was like a secret they both shared.  _

_ In an instant, Lexa stood up and turned around to face the other girl who was plastering a contagious wide smile that seemed to have spread onto her own features too. “Stop! People might see us”  _

_ This seemed to have made Clarke realize their surroundings and step back while subtly running her hand up Lexa’s arm before losing all her willpower and leaning forward to whisper soft words into her ear. “Meet me at the back of the school later, I'm taking you on a date” _

>

Lexa could still feel the warmth of the other girl's breath in her ear and the sparks that a single touch had caused, she could still remember how the both of them had driven for over an hour to get to a drive-thru cinema where they had sat on the top of the car, a blanket wrapped around them while they held each other's hands like it was the only thing keeping them grounded and safe.

Lexa wiped the tears that had escaped her eyes as she got to her desired destination. The base where she knew both families hid out, she’d gotten the information from Ontari when she had made her watch as she killed the people around her. 

With one hand on the door and the other firmly gripped on her sword she pushed it open and walked into the base. Every eye was suddenly on her, weapons were quickly drawn and aimed towards her. Lexa searched the room with her eyes before they landed on the person she came here for. 

She tried to tell herself it was because the girl could help her get revenge but deep down she knew all those times with her had inevitably made her feel more than she had felt since her parents had died.

“Clarke!” the blonde instantly looked up with wide eyes but what Lexa saw made her heartbreak into a million pieces, Clarke had looked at her, shook her head, and began walking into a different room. 

“Clarke! Don't leave! I came here to settle this!” 

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat before she built the wall in her heart once again, “I only didn't kill you because I'm saving you for last, you're on borrowed time!” 

That's when all hell broke loose as everyone seemed to realize that Heda was still alive. They all began to rush towards Lexa with their own swords raised but none were quick enough to injure her and Lexa dodged each attack with expert moves before running for the door, she had plunged her sword into a few of the people which made half of them go to aid the injured. 

What Lexa didn't expect was the person who had snuck behind her. She felt a sharp pinch in the back of her neck and before she could register what happened her vision went black and her body went limp. 

Clarke’s heart was doing somersaults as she walked away from the girl who had put her life on the line just to talk to her, if Lexa wanted her dead as much as she said she did then why was she still here? 

Clarke didn't know what to think. On the one hand, she had seen the vulnerable side to Lexa and on the other hand, she had also seen just how ruthless and cold Lexa could be. 

She heard the clattering and grunting of fighting outside the room but it was not nearly loud enough to drown out her thoughts or to even keep her awake. 

Her eyes fluttered shut and all sound around her slowly began to fade into silence.

<

_ Clarke had come to class early which proved to be a mistake on her part as Lexa had also shown up early. The sight of the other girl instantly made her mouth dry up and her legs become weak. _

_ Lexa and Clarke had finally admitted to each other that they wanted to try out being in a relationship but both wanted to continue hiding each other. Clarke knew her own reasons but she felt as though Lexa had no reason to want to hide her. _

_ The moment she looked at Lexa, all thoughts rushed out of her head. Lexa had worn a shirt that came low enough to show slight cleavage and a pair of tight jeans that seemed to hug every curve perfectly.  _

_ “Morning Clar-”  _

_ Her words were cut short as Clarke grabbed her hand and began dragging her towards the bathroom which had now become theirs, no one used these ones and the main door had a lock on it which proved to be helpful at this moment. _

_ The second they were in the bathroom Clarke locked the door and pushed Lexa up against it. _

_ “Clarke, w-we need to-”  _

_ A loud moan escaped the other girl's lips stopping her from finishing her sentence which encouraged Clarke to bite down and suck onto the skin of Lexa’s neck all while her hands began to move up to the buttons of the jeans and within seconds they were open with Clarke’s hand moving down into them. Lexa’s hands became tangled into her hair as her breathing became thick with hunger, Clarke moved her hand down between her legs, and the moment she made contact, Lexa’s head became buried in her neck and her hands began clinging onto her. The moans that left Lexa’s mouth were both unholy and loud enough to tell anyone who was walking by what they were doing but all Clarke cared about is watching as the other girl melted in the palm of her hands.  _

“Clarke i need you to wake up”

Clarke instantly looked up at the other girl who was now fading into darkness, everything seemed to blur and before she knew it her eyes were opened and focused on her mother who was shaking her relentlessly. “Clarke i need you to wake up, from what we saw Lexa has a weakness.” 

Clarke’s brows knitted together before she slowly began to stand up and stretch.

“Weakness?”

Abby’s eyes looked directly into her own, they were cold and Clarke couldn't find the person who had raised her. She was gone.

“You. We need you, she's in the basement but she's fighting back we need you to stop it. I know you can Clarke” 

Clarke’s eyes widened in realization and she quickly grabbed her gun and ran down to where she knew Lexa would be. 

Her mom had said the exact same thing to her before she was forced to watch as Indra and Gustus was killed. 

This time was different.

This time no matter what Lexa did, Clarke was still blindly in love with her. 

She ran down the steps as quickly as she could with her heart beating a million beats a second. She could hear the muffled sound of fighting getting louder as she got closer and with a raised gun she ran into the room with it pointed, ready to protect Lexa. 

** BANG! **

Clarke saw her and everything stopped, Lexa stood with blood dripping from her abdomen where the gun had shot her, Lexa’s eyes widened as she looked right at her and fell to the floor uttering a single word.

_ “Clarke?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading. i’m sorry for the cliffhanger, i have the next part written so next chapter will be in a few days.
> 
> comment what you’d like to see?


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